Please Don't Say You Love Me
by Tadpole24
Summary: The first time he says "I love you," is when he's asleep and Emma has never been more grateful because it gives her a chance to prepare. Captain Swan fic post season 3. For Caitlin.


_**Happy (belated) birthday to my dear Caitlin who was after a fic which included Happy!Emma and Captain Cobra. I threw some Swan Believer in there too and a healthy dose of Captain Swan, because how could I not? **_

…

Please Don't Say You Love Me

…

The first time he says "I love you," is when he's asleep and Emma has never been more grateful.

She's suspected for a long time now that he's been holding it back. She can see the words forming on his lips before he gets this nervous glint in his eye and trails off into a completely different thought. She can see it in the adoring way he looks at her, eyes trained solely on her as though he worships her very existence. It's been easy to brush off because it's not _real_ – they haven't actually put a label on what they are and that is something Emma has been fighting very hard for. While it's stolen kisses and moments of bliss in between chaos, it's easy to handle. But when it becomes more – well she is terrified of that.

It slips out on a quiet breath just as she is falling into sleep. "What did you say?" she asks him, knowing exactly what he had said and wishing she hadn't asked for clarification. But he doesn't answer and she realises he's dreaming some soft dream of an uncomplicated life where he can say those sorts of things to her.

He rolls back towards her after a while and slips his arms around her waist while his breath tickles her neck. But she doesn't sleep, instead running through the million things that she could say in return to him that aren't "I love you too," because it's too soon for that, isn't it? _Isn't it?_

…

She practices in the mirror and knows she is a total idiot. But no matter how many times she says it or how many ways, it still doesn't _look _right.

"I love you," she says with a tilt of her head and a soft smile, "I love you," she says with sincere eyes and an almost quivering lip. And then she rolls her eyes, shakes her head and continues blow drying her hair, avoiding her reflection at all costs.

And she resents him a little for being able to say it already, even if he doesn't know he has. Because it means that he's sure in his feelings and Emma wishes more than anything that she knew what 'sure' felt like.

…

Her son eyes her dress and heels combo with a knowing smile and raises his eyebrows in question, "How's Hook?"

Emma shakes her head, flopping down on the couch next to Henry and picking up an m&m from the bowl by his leg, "So you know about that, huh?"

He presses pause on his movie and faces his mother with a look of disbelief on his face, "Come on, mom, you two have been all over each other."

She narrows her eyes but chooses to be the bigger person and take the comment on board because, truth be told, Henry's probably right. Not really willing to discuss her "all over him" relationship with her teenage son though, Emma decides for a topic change, "Aren't you supposed to be at Regina's tonight?"

A half sigh half groan escapes him, "I _was _there. But then Robin came around and, let me tell you, he is not living up to his merry name right now."

"Oh god," she says, picking up the remote and pressing play on the movie, smiling when she sees that it's one of her favourites, "This is definitely the better option then."

But Henry is far from done, snatching the remote away and pausing the movie once more, "So tell me about Hook."

Emma can't stop the smile at her son's seemingly non-issue with the fact his mother is dating a pirate captain from a fairytale, "He's good. We're good."

"And…" her son prompts.

She remembers the nights of coming home to play video games with him and debrief her dates with Walsh and something in her heart tightens at the thought that they can have that here as well. After all her fears about staying in Storybrooke, it's this moment that makes her realise most that she would have been foolish to run again.

"And it's getting pretty serious." The heat rises on her cheeks at the sentence and she chews her bottom lip, wondering if she should ask what she's going to ask next, "What do you think of him?"

If nothing else, Henry is the most honest person she knows and it means a lot to know what her son thinks of the guy she's dating.

"He's cool. And he tells me things about dad whenever I ask. You have my blessing," he says, smiling.

It's moments like this that she can really see Neal in his features, in the way he smiles cheekily or in the way he settles back into the couch. Little things that no one else would ever pick up on, but she can see clear as day. And she realises, with a striking force, that the thought of Neal doesn't bring her pain any more, doesn't cripple her as it once did. It's everything to do with Hook being in her life - she'd be stupid to not see it and it brings her a great joy that she's found the person who can take all the hurt away. Henry hits play on the movie again and when Emma laughs it's not just at the sight of Robin Williams trying to pat out a fire on his fake breasts that's causing the upturn of her lips.

…

She stops abruptly on the docks and sort of hides behind a pillar, watching her boys work on Killian's new boat. It's far from the Jolly Roger, but the way his eyes had lit up when Emma had first shown it to him had confirmed her purchasing decision. He's been working on it while she works at the station, giving themselves space to miss each other and come together at the end of each day.

Today he'd asked if he could take Henry out for a sail, it being the weekend for some, and she'd agreed to pick him up at sun down to give them the whole day. She watches the way Killian gives Henry mock orders and her heart swells. Since the moment her son came back into her life, her instinct to protect him has ruled her heart, but now, seeing how the pirate interacts with Henry makes her realise that she doesn't have to do this alone, she isn't bound to protecting everyone, because she has someone who will help her.

Henry's coiling rope side by side with Killian when she steps on board. They set the rope down carefully and both step towards her in greeting. The pirate hangs back a moment and lets Henry go first, smiling warmly from behind the boy as he rushes forward.

"Mom, you'll never guess what Killian gave me!" his eyes are bright as he reaches his hand over his shoulder and pulls a sword from a very familiar sheath. He holds it out in front of him proudly, "It was dad's when he was my age. Can you believe it?"

Emma feels her heart pounding and tears welling as she looks, first, down at her son, then up at the pirate. "That is very thoughtful of Killian," she says, addressing Henry, her eyes still trained on the man behind him.

There's a magical glint in his eye when he tilts his head towards her in a slight nod, like he's accepting her thanks. And she knows deep within her that this is what love is supposed to feel like. Then Henry turns around, raising his new sword to Killian and challenging him.

The pirate smiles playfully and pulls his own sword from its sheath, leaning forward and accepting.

As the sun sets on the bay, Emma watches her boys engage in a duel and realises that the battle within her is waning and soon, she knows, she won't be able to hold it all in.

…

"HOOK!" she cries out, running to his side and reaching him before his limp body reaches the ground.

She can see Elsa sobbing in the corner of her eye, her magic pouring out of her in manic waves of ice. "I'm so sorry," she keeps yelling, "I can't stop it."

Anna rushes to her sister's side, pulling her in and whispering soothing words to her, "Just breathe Elsa, you can stop this. You're stronger than you think you are."

But with ice and snow still whipping around them in uncontrollable flurries, Emma can't take her eyes off Killian. His lips are blue, his skin pale and sickly. She curses him for thinking he could take on the Snow Queen's unpredictable magic just to save her. Her own light magic tingles in her fingertips and she knows that, given the chance, she could have stopped this whole thing from happening.

This had never been an issue for her in the past, no one ever stood up for her, fought for her, had considered her important enough to lay down their life; not in her adult life, anyway. And now there's this man, this stupid, rash, beautiful man who would give up his life in a heartbeat just to save hers.

And nothing has ever been clearer to her than this moment.

She loves him. She is _in love_ with this man.

Leaning in close, she whispers the words next to his ear, soft enough that it's just a secret between them. She kisses her way along his jaw, knowing that the magic their love causes is working when she feels each inch of his skin warm up beneath her lips until he finally responds, breathing in sharply and rising into her kiss.

The storm clears around them as Anna holds her sister, but Killian and Emma don't even notice the perfect picture they're painting in the now slow falling snow. It clings to her eyelashes and his hair, tickles her cheek and makes her smile against him. He chuckles into her smile, the happiness she's feeling spreading through him and their kiss becomes clumsy and messy. But they don't care, because that's how it's supposed to be.

The first time he'd said it, he'd been asleep and she had been afraid to hear it again. The second time he says, "I love you," she responds without missing a beat.

"I love you too."

…

_**Thoughts?**_


End file.
